Sunday, December 13, 2009

Joshua's Journeys #24- Always missing you...


I know many families and friendships that appear to have been broken up by a child with a disability or death. I say appear because it is very obvious when you are caring for a child with special needs, or grieving the loss of a child who your true friends and family are; those that don't go when the going gets tough, but are there no matter what. Thank you to those that have proven themselves our true friends and family, that support and love us, for we all have special needs. I come across a lot of poems, prose, blogs, letters, etc. on losing a child, special needs children, and so on. Each hit me in different ways, but I felt the need to post these today. In addition, I learned this morning of a 15 month CHARGEr that passed away on December 3, we are praying for the friends and family of this new angel to find some comfort and peace.

Chosen One
If before you were born, I could have gone to Heaven and saw all the beautiful souls, I still would have chosen you...
If God had told me "this soul will one day need extra care", I still would have chosen you...
If He had told me "that one day this soul may make my heart bleed", I still would have chosen you...
If He had told me "this soul would make me question the depth of my faith", I still would have chosen you...
If God had told me "this soul would make tears flow from my eyes that would overflow a river", I still would have chosen you..
If He had told me "our time spent together here on Earth could be short", I still would have chosen you...
If He had told me 'all that you know to be normal would drastically change", I still would have chosen you...
Of course, even though I would have chosen you, I know it was God who chose me for you...
Thank you God for allowing me to be your mommy!


A Letter from Above
Dear Mom and Dad,

I know this is a rough time for you. So I will be as gentle as I can be. First of all, thank you for so many tears, particularly those shared with another that you love. They are a gift to me, a precious tribute to your investment in me. As you do your mourning, do it at your pace only. Don't let anybody suggest that you do your grief work on their timetable. Do whatever it takes to face directly the reality of what has happened, even though you may need to pause frequently and yearn for my return. Do this with courage and my blessings.

Be with people who accept you as you are. Mention my name out loud, and if they don't make a hasty retreat, they're probably excellent candidates for friendship. If, by a remote possibility, you think that there is anything that you could have done for me and didn't, I forgive you, as my Lord does. Resentment does not abide here, only love. You know how people sometimes ask you how many children you have? Well, I'm still yours and you are still my parents. Always acknowledge that with tenderness, unless to do so would fall on insensitive ears or would be painful to you. I know how you feel inside. To be included as your child honors me. Read, even though your tears anoint the page. There is an immense library here and I have a card. In Henri Nowens' "Out of Solitude", he writes, "The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair and confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not healing, and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares." Mom and Dad, I don't know where you are spiritually now, but rest assured that our God is not gone. The still small voice you hear in your heart is His voice. The warmth that sometimes enfolds you is Him. The tears that tremble just beneath your heartbeat is Him. He is in you, as I am. I want you to know that I am O.K. I have sent you messages to ease your pain, they come in the form of flowers that bloom out of season, birds singing, voices and visions and sometimes through your friends and even strangers who volunteer as angels. Stay open but don't expect the overly dramatic. You will get what you need and it may be simply an internal peace. You are not crazy, you have been comforted. Please seek out people bereaved longer than you. They are tellers of truth, and if they have done their work, are an inspiration and a beacon of hope whose pain lessened dramatically. And one more wisdom before I close. There are still funny happenings in our world. It delights me to no end when I hear your spontaneous, uncontrolled laughter. That, too, will come in due time. Today, I light a candle for you. Joined with your candle, let their light shine above the darkness.
Affectionately,
Your Angel Child

6 comments:

amy and mighty max said...

we love you my friend and feel blessed to you have your family in our lives...thanks for being just who you are.

ellen charge said...

wonderful poems

Christy said...

Sometimes it's ok to post a disclaimer-will cry when read!! Although short, the time with Joshy I would not trade for not having him here and experiencing such loss and seeing my family go through such a loss. And from the letter from the Angel-you both are an inspiration and a beacon of hope-continue to be the good people you are. I am always proud to say that I have TWO nephews and a niece on the way!!

Nonna and Grampa said...

I always relish the opportunity to say I have twin grandsons...and lately a granddaughter on the way. Dad and I are much better people because of the short but powerful time we were privledged to spend with Joshy...we can't imagine our lives without him.

Crystal M. said...

Beautiful poems, thanks for sharing them. I wish I could have meet Josh but I am honored he brought us to all of you.
Hugs,
Crystal and Eva

CHRISTOPHER said...

We love you Josh.