Well we have been in "that season" where it seems I become more and more anxious about March 14. Not a day goes by that Josh isn't on my mind and heart, and time does not heal or make things easier as many say. If anything, it hurts more because others talk less and less and makes me feel that they don't remember or don't want to bring things up in case they would bring out emotions in us, but the fact of the matter is that positive or negative, we love talking about Josh. A time that might seem like we were having a hard time, we always found laughter, love, and always knew we were in the presence of a miracle. The anxiety of having to face the day Joshua passed is never easy, and it usually involves a lot of anxiety of wondering just how bad it will be to wake up and pretend its ok. But, we do it every day, we look at Joey who is so gentle and patient, and the perfect little twin brother, and Jill who seems to have taken on a lot of Josh's fighting personality, blue eyes and all.
Joey talks about his brother a lot, and when we go to Assumption often tells us how nice his brother is, and how he likes going to visit his brother because he is very good at sharing Josh has given Joey some of his cars in the past, so Joey thinks he is awesome! But Joey has also given Josh some Lightning McQueen cars and race cars as well, so he has learned to share with him too! Joey knows that Josh is in heaven with Jesus, and knows that he can always talk to his brother and be safe.
Jill loves pointing out Josh's picture at the dinner table. We have a 3 frame picture thing that has a picture of each of the kids eating or drinking, and we try to update them, and change out Josh's picture as well. Jill loves pointing Josh out to anyone at the dinner table. And last week when she was sick, we had to take a bath in the middle of the day, and in her sickest of moments instead of wanting to go downstairs to watch some tv and rest, she went into our room and took the "tower of power" as we called, Josh's favorite star stacking toy that he often would have at the dinner table so he could be a part of meal time with us. She doesn't regularly play with it, so of course for her to have that goal in mind, when we don't even have other toys in our room or let them play with toys in our room, was pretty heart tugging. Jill also has a lot of his personality traits, mannerisms, and physical looks that make me wonder if he sent her to us as soon as he could.
We miss Josh every day, we know we've learned so much in the time he was here and continue to learn more and more each day. We have met some of the most amazing people because of him, and have learned a lot about ourselves, our family, and our friends in the process. Thank you for your love, prayers, thoughts, support each and every day.