Joshua's Journeys #64 3 Years Ago

Three years ago today Phil was in Florida on a trip for work. Josh had finally graduated from the NICU after his 126 day stay and we were settling into our routine of therapies, doctors visits, and appointments for pretty much everything under the sun. I was going in for a routine check on Josh's shunt. I had his tube feeding with me, along with his afternoon meds since the neurosurgeon's office usually meant a good 2 hour visit. As the nurse practitioner came in to look at Josh's shunt she noticed something white poking through. After some back and forth, and of course waiting for the doctor...the doctor I hate the most, he came in and it was decided that his shunt was actually popping through. In slight disbelief I asked the NP if that meant we were staying in the hospital and she said I should plan on it. Not having my pump, anymore milk for Josh, and Joey left with his grandparents it was a quick call before Grandpa showed up with my pump and parts and I was heading across the hospital with Josh, at this point not thinking we'd actually be admitted. Well, a few hours later it was official, Josh would need a shunt revision. That would entail 2 major surgeries, one to take the shunt out, a few days to let the spinal fluid drain where Josh would have to remain on his back and not moving so that the fluid could drain, and then another major surgery to put the shunt on the other side of his head. Once admitted I made the call to Phil to let him know our fate. He was not able to be reached. Later he called back when NICU nurse Tina stopped by to say hi to Josh and I after hearing of our admission, so I handed her the phone and she broke the news to Phil. Outside of worrying about the health of Joshua and how in the heck to keep a 4 month old baby from moving too much, I was wondering if we'd be home for Thanksgiving. It was this first readmission after Josh had finally made it home that I realized my life would never be something that could be "planned out" anymore. At any given moment our family could be split between 2 in the hospital, 2 at home, or some other juggle of sorts. The upside was that Joey was able to be in the PICU (whereas the NICU no siblings under a certain age are allowed even if they themselves were NICU graduates or twins). And since Josh had been home Joey and Josh had been side by side for meals, activities, and cuddle time. So it was important for us to allow Joey in to be with his big bro.

I was somewhat mopey today, not sure if it was the weather, the fact that Joey is so painfully shy sometimes, I was just not myself. Then I started thinking about the holidays, how Josh had come home from this hospital stay just in time for Thanksgiving, and I looked down at my watch to note the date. 11/19, the day we returned to the hospital. It is funny how Josh can still pull at my heartstrings and how I am still emotionally tied to him and can be "off" on certain days only to realize the connection of why or what the day means to us.