Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Joshua's Journeys #60

Last Tuesday was meet the teachers where Joey and Jillian enjoyed playing in the classroom and with all of the stuff set out on the tables. Last Monday night was parents night, the informational meeting about what will happen during the school year, etc. It was just under an hour, but it didn't take much longer than the opening prayer (its a Christian school) where the lady was talking about blessing our children and letting them teach them and take good care of them where I found myself panicked that I was going to lose it! I had to spend a lot of time looking at the calendar so that I wouldn't burst out into tears--thinking Josh is supposed to be here too! Maybe not in this exact school, but he should be here with us, and what would he be doing now? Joey would love playing with him, and as nutty as Jill can be at times (I have often envisioned her deliberately yanking out his g-tube) she would also find him a pleasure where I could see her bringing him something to play with, patting his head and leaning in for her hug. Life would be different that is for certain, I would take it all if I could, but I know I am in my own school--I may have bad days where I want to cry, where I miss him, where I just want to lay in bed and try to get back to a dream.

3 comments:

Crystal M. said...

Hugs!!! I know it has to be hard to see Joey and Jill doing something and wondering what ifs about Josh. You all do a great job and its normal, hang in there!!

ellen charge said...

and me i know id of loved hugging him jsut like i did eva i basicaly jsut took her off crys lap on the sat morning or was ti lunch like she was sitting there and i jstu in with my arms and got her

ellen charge said...

bet was hard at the conf seeing people like me in the panel and wishing he was at my leval lol